A journey, dreams, and the forever untouchable.

Hello All.  Its 1am when I am writing this.  Why you might ask am I up at 1am?  Well I went to see The Great Gatsby, loved it.  The drive home however got me thinking of where I have been, where I am and where I want to be.

I probably won’t yammer on for an endless chapter of what seems to be a page in my history of nothing… Then again, maybe I will.  Actually it won’t be long, I just wanted to do some reflecting.

Before I do however, I’d like to start you off with a question.  More rhetorical but still a question that begs to be asked.  Have you ever had something you’ve wanted more than anything but its always out of reach?  Now that the question is out there, let it soak in, absorb the words into your mind and take a moment to really think about something you’ve always wanted.

Ok now that you’ve given it some thought… Have you achieved or are you in the process of achieving the goal? Did you do it step by step, or jump in head first as if it was the only thing that mattered?  Or even on the other side of the spectrum… Did you let it disappear from your mind and never think about it again?  Maybe you tried and failed.

I ask mainly because I have a goal, well 3 goals really a 1 year, a 3 year and a 5-10 year.  Which is odd for me because I’ve never set goals really until recently… Feels good man.

Anyways, I don’t think a forever untouchable really needs an explanation, but sometimes just being in proximity of that something or someone just makes your day better.  Sometimes it makes somethings that much harder.  Sigh… Emotions are a funny thing no?

None of this will probably make any sense because I’m stupid tired right now.  If you did however manager to get through the jibberish I just wrote, hats off old chap. “They’re a rotten crowd’, I shouted across the lawn. ‘You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.”

G’night folks.

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From Ashes, A Phoenix.

3 weeks ago or so, I decided I was bored and tired of the same ole.  Since I have moved in closer to the city, and didn’t have to dread a 30 to 45 min drive one way to or from any location, I made some monumental choices… Well monumental for me.

When you can something that has been part of your life for 5+ years you’d think you might feel the need to play it again.  Not for me, I was over it.  It kept me from seeing friends, being social, finding work at points in my life, keeping me from really doing what I wanted.

I did nothing, I sat around, didn’t want to move, didn’t want to do much of anything really.  Work was just a means to keep me playing the game.  I was a sad person.  This went on for a while.  I hated who I was but wasn’t able to change.  Depression kicked in, I was bored but had a bunch of stuff to do but didn’t want to do it, i’d rather play this game and do nothing.

I got sick of this, so what did I do? On the weekend of March 16th I decided, well my subscription is up on the 22nd of march, I don’t feel like renewing it. I’m sick of how I have been, its time to make some changes.  What happened next?  I did.  I canceled my subscription fully, email to prove, I still had a week or so left until its fully closed down.  I logged in a few times talked about coming back in a bit… but lets be honest, I am done with that game.

What’s next for me?

Well, over the past 3 weeks I have been home from work right after work less than 7 days.  I’ve been hanging out with friends, social interactions, just being out there in the world living my life.

My suggestion to all of you who are sitting at home and not content with your life…

Change.

Change what you dislike.

Its a great feeling to know something awesome can rise from what seems like ashes.

Its not the destination, but the journey that is the worthier part.

So it looks like the last time I wrote in this was right before I got my most recent ex girlfriend…

Little recap of 2012 – Jan – boring, Feb – boring, March – wonderful, April – wonderful, May – wonderful, June – not bad, July – not bad, August – eh I guess, Sept – same as August, Oct – again pretty meh, Nov – devastating… Dec – fantasticle, Today – pretty good.  Now that we have the list covered I can tell you the reasons why.

January – shitty snowy cold

Feb – Moved just south of the city, so that’s not bad i guess.

March – Went to a good friends wedding – Met a girl who I said “If I could I would marry that girl tomorrow”  Got back home, talked to her some, we hit it off, ect.

April – She came to visit, it was amazing, there were fireworks, my world flipped upside down, we were in love.

May – Again she visited, same as before it was amazing – went to MI to my mother’s house to pick up a ring because I was so sure.

June – No visit, she got busy, we still talked.  Also my awesome cabriolet got totaled by some dumb broad not paying attention.

July – Same as June really.  However I did replace the cabriolet with a Porsche 944, so that’s not bad.

August – Still talked, she was more and more busy though… at this point I was kinda getting annoyed, ect.

September – Same as August.

October – She was supposed to visit on Halloween, its been close to 6 months since I’ve seen her at this point.  Also Did a whole30 paleo challenge and lost 40 pounds, I plan on getting back on this as the results were amazing.

November – All hell breaks loose.  Most of my friends know what happened, so I am only going to write a generalization of what happened here.  1) Via the bookfacey thing I noticed her and some dude being cheeky and close and his picture was of them two standing pretty close… too close to be just friends.  I confront her, she gets upset, I give her the benefit of the doubt.  Fast forward to the 23rd…  Again, bookfacey… I see she commented on something about needing a plus 1 for a turkeyday thing… she told me she was going to be alone, then I see him posting how he loves his girlfriend of two months her saying how happy he is… SHE replied saying how happy she was and that she loved him, cause you know being my friend via that thing doesn’t show me everything or anything.  Well needless to say, I don’t take kindly to that shit and I ended it right then and there, bitch didn’t even try to hide it…  2.5ish weeks later I was over it.  Thanks to some good friends support, if you’re reading this… you know who you are and you fucking rock for it.

Then in December for Christmas I ventured out of the state down to the great steel city – Pittsburgh, PA, stayed with some family of a friend and also said friend.  Met up with a few friends I know out in that area as well.  I thoroughly enjoyed my vacation.  I felt very welcome, had a grand time, and will hope to be going back at some point when its not shitty and cold.  New years eve was interesting.  I was in a sea of lesbians, so that was cool, brought in the new years, made some new friends… All in all, I consider the intro to 2013 a win.

Now on to today…  looking at the clock its 4:30 am on what is now Sunday morning.  I am here wasting time writing this because I know I haven’t done so in so long as well as I just wanted to get all my feelings and lameness down on the internet for all to see; I ponder what exactly 2013 will bring me.  But honestly… it doesn’t matter, I’ll deal with it exactly as I have in the past – and as the title states, my new philosophy on life.  Its not the destination, but the journey that is the worthier part.

I am going to finish this post off with not my usual picture, but words that you can take or leave…

Don’t make resolutions, they are dumb and are used as excuses to fail at something.  Instead, reach down deep into yourself and pull out you… If you don’t like what you see, then do not me, not the world, not anyone else, but do yourself a favor and mold it into the person you want to be.

Good night all,
Jari